The Difficulty

Your child is visibly distressed so you try to help. Suddenly, everything you do seems like the wrong answer and your child gets further stressed until it eventually leads to a meltdown. Sound familiar?

Understanding

When your child is dysregulated, this can sometimes mean that the decision making part of the brain is going offline. Additionally, as the dysregulation worsens, this dampens the ability to receive, process and respond to more information. When a suggestion is offered or a question posed, the nervous system can no longer process it, and it results in additional stress. So how do you help without being detected as a threat to the nervous system?

Limit questions

Now this blanket statement really heavily depends on how overstimulated they are. Simple yes or no or 2 options questions may be great to help narrow things down. However, asking multiple questions, especially open ended ones, is a huge no go.

State things-do not demand

if the child is at the point where questions dysregulate them further, switch to stating what you are doing. For example, if you believe your child is hungry and could use a snack, state that you are going to take a break and are going to grab a snack. State that you are going to set out a few things they like in case they'd like to join you.

Use visuals

Visuals can be a much less overwhelming means of communication for autistic individuals. It may be a good idea to create a list of visuals showing different regulation techniques or requests for a need to be met. That way, instead of pelting them with questions, the communication board can be shown and they can choose what they would like efficiently.

Create an action plan

Keep track of their reactions, the times, and what they ended up requiring so that you can model communication for that before they reach a state of dysregulation. Talk with them about what to do once they've reached that state of dysregulation as well. Planning for the future can help make everything go smoother!