The Challenge

You and your partner are in a fight and as your stress levels rise, they say the one thing that is sure to send you over the edge—calm down.



We all know that phrase never ends well, but why is that? Beyond even just the negative implications, when your nervous system is in that heated of a moment, you need more than just an added demand of calm down to bring yourself back to a state of equilibrium. Kids are much the same. When your ASD kiddo is dysregulated, throwing in a random breathing exercise may do much the same thing as being told to calm down. This needs to be more of a methodical and guided practice. So where can we start?

The Solution

Model coping skills yourself. If your child has never seen the coping skill you’re asking them to do done by anyone else, they may not understand its purpose. Modeling it yourself BEFORE dysregulation incidents can help get your kiddo familiar.

Practice coping skills before. If they’ve never tried the coping skill themselves, learning it during a hard moment will likely add to the frustration. Practicing beforehand in good, or even slightly tense times can show the kiddo that this isn’t something solely thrown into the mix to stop them from being disruptive.

Visuals. Work together before hand to create visuals of how they can handle their stress. This could be counting, breathing, squishing something, jumping, or whatever else your kiddo likes to do. Practice using and modeling it so that in a moment of big feelings, you can present the board. This will allow them the autonomy to pick, while adding the least amount of pressure possible.